Mmmmmmm sundays

Sundays are so nice

We get to sleep in to like 930

So i did of course

Sunday js like
Norway's national lazy day

Like
Everything is closed, no schedules run, and everybody relaxes

So for the first half of the day i sat in the wifi room and watched youtube videos for like three hours

That was kinna boring i GUESS but eh

I ended up watching macgyver episodes with Emelie, Gard, Ingrid and Maja

We all kinma made fun of it it was great

We switched to kontiki when the internet started fuckn around

N then we had dinner, but AFTER dinner is where stuff started getting interestingu

So we started up some DnD

We were coming up from a dungeon and ended up in the town we STARTED in from like a week ago, turns out the ship we landed here was xarryijg the plague so the whole fuckn place was just completely fucked
Just from our PRESENCE there lol
Amyway
Our goal was to secure a ship, and the navy happend to be in port
There was 9 imperial navy ships in port and we all decided that i should be the guy to try to procure one coz i still have that imperial navy disguise
So i go down to the docks while the other guys dig through the burned down houses (burned down coz i guess the local jurisdiction decided to burn the plague houses)
So i ask a nearby captain if i can commandeer his ship because i have special orders from the KING HIMSELF-
He doesnt REALLY take my bluff, ao he redirects me to the admiral.
I talk to the admiral and apparently ship 13 is without crew OR captain, because the captain was so incompetent that the crew made off with all the shit and abandoned ship.
So now the navy is stuck with an extra, run down ship.
Of course he wasnt about to give it to us for free, so i manage to convince him to give me the ship if i follow his convoy and pay certain STEEP fees of reinstatement and promotion from OFFICER (lol fake officer, coz im still not ACTUALLY part of the navy) to CAPTAIN.
he tells me i have an hour to form a crew from in town and he gives me a couple of extra deck hamds from his own ship.
Of course instead of actually recruiting new guys i just grab the rest of the players, and it turns out theyve found some neat stuff in the houses-
8 50 kilo barrels of PURE sugar, a valuable luxury in these times
30 steel ingots from the foundry
And somethijg like 40 kilos of dried fruit
So we take the sugar and the dried fruit onto the ship (not enough time to get the ingots unfortunately)
(We took the suhar coz 1 we all have sweet tooths and 2 its actually really good for trading and selling, we all rolled for history checks and Magnus "remembered" that its actually super valuable.

ANYWAY

were now leading a navy convoy (the admirals right behind us coz he wants to watch how good we are, were under scrupulous eyes as new crew)
So were tryijg to figure out how to shake these guys and escape with the ship
When all the sudden we see a rowboat being lowered into the water, the admiral gets in with 4 gaurds.
So were like ah shit
So he comes up to our deck
I askm what he needs, coz im acting captain
BUT
BEFORE HE CAN SAY ANYTHING
THERES AN EXPLOSION BEHID US-
The last ship in the line is on FIRE
All of us are like
???????????
Admiral is like
SHIT ALL HANDS RETURN TO MY SHIP-
but before action can be had BOOM
two more tailing ships explode
Its a convoy of nine
Magnus is up the mast, so he peeps out over there and he sees a monstrous, mysterious darkly painted three masted (probably a frigate) behind all the smoke-
He makes a particular observation; he sees about fifty IMPERIAL NAVY division flags all strung on the same line...
Between two masts of this huge three masted beast....
This sends the admiral into panic, were on our own
So i
As acting captain
Command the four gaurds he brought to immediately set to work unfurling all sails, were not equipped to fight a giant gunship like this-our craft is in shambles to begin with
So were trying to run away as all the remaining ships go down one by one-
We take down our division flag, #63
But its already too late
Theyve locked on
They fire once, but theyre far enough away that they miss

We decide a smoke screen could work, and all us wizards conjure up a particualrly effective one
Peoblem is now we cant see either
So we just focus on the flee

They couldnt see, we couldnt see, so a collision occurs lol
We sieze the opportunity to try to light them on fire with more arcana magic
And we succeed
Theres a few moments of relative peace, we hear a scary growling language from the smoke
Then silence
BUT THEN
POUM- OUT OF THE SMOKE IS A GRAPESHOT BLAST-
WE ALL ROLL FOR ACROBATICS TO DODGE IT.
Magnus dives to the floor without a scratch, Amelia gets grazed on her arm, i lose my right hand, Frederic was below deck, and TRYGG... o man he takes it FULL FORCE TO THE GUT. hes lucky it didnt cutm in HALF, he rolls for wndurance and takes it kike a boss, probly assisted by magic.
And MORE
A LOUD CRASH ON THE STARBOARD SIDE
AND THE SOUND OF DRAWING SWORDS AND STOMPING BOOTS
THEYVE BOARDED US

The admiral is hiding in the captains quarters
And a gigantic ORC CAPTAIN steps RIGHT up to me
He says that he was entertained by our fight, he figured such a shitty ship would go down in five seconds, but us humans have a pretty good spirit.
I figure its not enough to keep us alive.
He wants us to come onto his ship and play some GAMES.
i try my best to keep us on OUR (well... the NAVYs) ship.
He wants our division flag, but hes an orc pirate so he would never settle for just a square of fabric, turns out hell take the flag amd kill us for fun if we dont have anything to offer.
So i say
"Yknow the ADMIRAL of the Navy is on our ship RIGHT NOW. Think of all the division flags you could have with HIM under your control."
"HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA- IF YOU HAVE THE ADMIRAL ON THIS SHIP ILL JUMP INTO THE SEA."
so i say to frederic
"First mate- go grab the admiral i saw him run into the captains quarters."
Sure enough, we pull the the admiral up to the Orc Captain
"WELL ILL BE DAMNED."
hes a pirate though
gard ROLLED for the jump, but as an orc AND a pirate hes a backstabbing asshole, and instead of jumping into the ocean he cuts off the admirals head.
Just when im running out of ideas, tryg steps in.
Tryggs character was born in a dungeon and hes now 30 years old. This whole ordeal is his FIRST day on the surface.
Naturally he knows rhis dungeon like nobodys business.
So he says:
"EXcuse me mister Orkar sir- but if you let us live i can take take you to a cavern of IMMEASURABLE WEALTH (lol the rest of us guys didnt find any but anything to shake these orc psychos)
The orc doesnt buy it at first but there was some funny shit that happened outside the game at that moment and gard laffed his ass off so the Orc ended up lolling at Trygg (tryggs character is named trygg) and the orc decided hed follow us to the caves JUST because trygg had a sense of humor.
So
HOLY SHIT basically
These guys could have OWNED us
thet board their own ship
And we turn around
Were headed back to the island now.

But we gotta lose these bastards.
Theyre bad fuckn news.
We have NO WAY to take these guys on.

Or do we?

Now of course we all beleive we dont
And turning a side and attempting a broadside will get us killed, the pirates would know immediately what we werre doing and probly
1beat us to it, hitting us before hand and killiing us instantly (yea its like a 150 gun frigate)
2 take the hit like a boss coz we dont know what were doing and can only load 6 of our 80 guns at once, and then when its time to firem probly MISS coz none of us are actually sailors.

So were thinkn.
Were thinkn.
And then we remember

when we were in the dungeon where we found trygg, we encountered these creatures with the ability to turn people into stone.
Their power came from these crystals.
So, after an arduous battle, we killed all of them. (o lol one ofm actually grabbed my wrist but then DIED, and since theyre statues that tirn people into statues i know have a bracelet on my LEFT wrist of a hand, grabbing my wrist.)
So, as curious dungeon raiders, we find their powers stones, and on a history check, find that these gems are QUITE valuable and have the power to freeze people into stone.
So we steal three with the intention of selling them later.

ANYWAY,
WE REMEMBER THESE THINGS.

It just so happens that our ship has three AFT FACING CANNONS, and our threat is in PURSUIT.
So we make this devious ass plan
Were gonna fortify each gem, so they dont explode omin the cannons or on impact with the ship's hull, and then were gonna shootm out and hope for the best.
Coz
A stone ship with a stone crew aint sailin nowhere.

The cool thing was
That while we were devising this
We could SEE on GARDS FACE (coz hes the DM) that he was like FUCK coz he forgot about the "paralyzing gems", and if this WORKED, his WHOLE ENTIRE CAMPAIGN was fucking SCRAPPED.
so he was actually trying to figure out ways to get us to NOT do it
Except of course he hasta do it THROUGH THE GAME.
So were were being mad cautious, coz we KNEW that he was gonna try to screw us on it.
So we were sneaking everywhere and stuff so the pirates wouldnt get suspicious
And we used history n shit to make sure we had the most possible knowledge on how to fire cannons
And we searched the room to find anything that could help us aim the guns n shit
We actually found a book on aiming cannons in the library of the captains quarters.
(At this point gard kinna wanted it to work too but he wasnt gonna just give it to us yknow?)
So we load the cannons, i roll a 19 for the load, trygg rolls a 17 and melia rolls a 9.
So two cannons are loaded right, and ones loaded eh
We then fortify the gems, and one is fortified SO BADLY (AHEM TRYGG) that it actually BREAKS (10000 fuckn gold GONE) but ones fortifies with a 17, (well fortified) and the other fortified with a 20 (it starts to GLOW)
and then
We fire the well fortified one
It hits, but the stone effect doesnt happen-
And were all like FUCK
Was this in fact
A horrible idea?
Are we about to spend 30000 fucking gold
To try and turn a gigantic 150 man, 150 gun, 3 masted ORC PIRATE FRIGATE into stone and FAIL?
We figure WELL
If we lose
We lose 30000 worht in gold and then die, becasue the pirates will broadside us to a rather wet death to become fish food.
With EVERYTHING TO LOSE
we fire the next cannon
KBOOM
IT WHISTLES ACROSS THE WATER
DISAPPEARS INTO THE HULL OF THE BOAT
WE GEAR A SECOND THUNK AS IT BURIES ITSELF INTO SOEMTHING STURDY
AND
AND
AND
Gard held us in the fucking moment for like 30 god dam seconds
He was fucming KILLING US man
He tried his best to hold a poker face
Amd he picks up the d20
Amd reveals
A FUCKING 20
WE FUCKING CRITICAL HIT THE FUCKING BIGGEST PIRATE SHIP ANY OF US HAVE EVER SEEN AND IT FREEZES SOLID, CREW AND ALL, CAPSIZING SLOWLY AND VANISHING BENEATH THE UNFORGIVING DEPTHS
AN ENTIRE CREW FROZEN FOR ETERNITY
WITH NO HOPE OF ESCAPE
THEY BECOME A RELIC
A TESTAMENT TO OUR EPIC POWER

needless to say we all lost our shit
Fucming all of us
O my god it was fantastic
Holy shit it was a buzz man
We were fucking pumped

Gard said it was his most rewarding moment as a DM
to take the energy of the players and roll with it only to have his entire script blow into his face
All the material he made couldnt be used
We had to stop the game there just so he could make more content, back next week.

Fucking unbelievable

I mean shit

Its so cool coz like

All the DM does is have potentials
And then the players interact
So to have something from the past
Something that we expected to sell later (and was on my mind as a bartering item to bribe the admiral for a ship and as a token for a our lives to the pirate captain)
To come into play in such a different way
AND SUCCEED
COZ WE REMEMBERED IT AND OPENED OUR MINDS?
like
Dude

DnD is fucking dope

Cant make this crap up man

Amd we were ready
We were facing death and we were like
"Okay"
Like
We were all like
"Eh, yknow itd suck to lose this character, but lets just try ourselved for a final fling and then we can make serious ones for our next game."
But here we are
STUCK WITH THESE FANTASTIC FUCKING HEROES FOR MAYBE GAMES AND GAMES AND GAMES TO COME.